Status [W]

2011-10-17T01:45:00.000-07:00

Im getting bored of this existence.
...
...
...

I've been walking this world alone for too long.
I may have past by some interesting places, met some interesting faces,
but when i stop to look around, all i see is myself.

...
..
.

Its not the same for everyone.
There are those who are constantly swarmed by admirers, friends, and people who know nothing about them.
Not a moment in their lives will they have to suffer boredom, loneliness, depression or despair.

.
..
...

All of this may have come about from my God complex.
And this obviously came about from my constant exposure to fictional worlds.
From story books, to games to movies to TV-series.
A world of VR where i have built, conquered, managed, and destroyed.
..
All hail [W], conqueror of worlds, leader of galaxies, Warlord of China, knight of the third crusade, protector of the holylands, General of the legions, Defender of the ancients, Viceroy of port royale, Summoner of Aeons, Alchemist, Paladin, Thief, Assasin, inventor, Healer, sword of the weak, predator to the strong.
..
.
..
...
And i slowly withdraw to reality
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.
..
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Remnant thinking from such times has been difficult to purge.
My self esteem, my self superiority and dominance. Although discreet at times, is still very real.
False, real but untrue.
..
..
I am nothing but a coward. a coward in more ways than one.
I fear the future, tho i tell others it is bright.
I fear rejection, yet tell everyone about the girl im after.
I fear failure, yet believe undoubtedly that i will succeed.
I cant even go for the things i want, however badly.
I could tell you that i'd give up my life for love, yet dare not even talk to a girl.
This is the falseness of my existence.
and when i look for someone to share this with..
i only find a blog.

First Impressions

2011-07-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

Hahahaha...
Okaay, so i finally got the guts to say hi. Maybe i was a little too caffeinated, but thats no excuse.

I guess it was the worst introduction possible, with me doing all the things you shouldnt do:
1. Hesitation - Dont hesitate. -Check!
2. Dont act desperate - Check!
3. Dont creep people out with a crazy smile - Check!
4. Dont talk to a girl while she's walking somewhere, coz she 'will' walk away. -Check!
5. Keep talking, dont leave awkward silences - Check!

okay, so i made all the mistakes, and that filled the full 20 seconds of the encounter.
You could see that she had no interest in talking to me,
so yeah, i guess my adrenaline did me in. Creepy, and inconfident approach it was.

Oh well..
At least i got past my mental hurdle, and the fear of talking to her.
I will try not to obsess over her for now, tho she is still probably the most beautiful girl i've ever seen.

Seeing my depression gone away, Melanie starts to doubt that my feelings arent 'love at first sight'. Well im no judge to love. Me and love almost never cross paths.

Ok then, to sum it up, it went horribly.
But she's still cute. and i am now, to her, just another creepy guy at Uni.

Status [July]

2011-07-16T18:55:00.000-07:00

It seems i havent posted for a long while now.
..and everytime i post, it seems that they get more and more emo each time. XD

Well this post might not be different, so bear with me. =)

A girl.
Thats rite, this post will be about a girl.

So theres this girl at my Uni, she's tall, has long dyed hair, cute smile & very attractive.
Now its the middle of the semester, and i've noticed her a couple times in the past few weeks.
The thing about this girl is that; she has a sense of mystery about her. Whenever i see her, it is usually just for a couple of seconds. Never was there an encounter of more than a minute.

I would tell my friends about this mysteriously attractive girl, and they would question my sanity, haha, as if i was so desperate that i would start making up imaginary girls. But hey, there may have been a time when i would question myself if she was real.

..Coz this girl.. she is.. Wow.

Heres a sneak-peak:

Ok, so maybe im a little above my head. i mean, she's beautiful, and im.. average joe.
But hey, im sure i fall into the normal guy category. (in a 'sane-scale' kinda way).

So the situation is this:
I havent talked to her. and yes, i have tried. And everytime i did, i hesitated.
Why?
im not too sure why.
Maybe im just not used to approaching strangers. (And you'd think that all that time working as a promoter would help).
In my mind.. she is..
..well, i'd better not get into this here, coz you'd think im crazy! XD

Everytime i miss an oppurtunity to talk to her, i feel disappointed with myself.
And everytime i dont see her, i cant wait to see her again.

Have my studies been affected? yes, but i'll pull out of it.
Have i been emotionally compromised? maybe, you'd have to ask those around me.
Will i ever have the guts to talk to this girl? I sure hope so.
What results do i want from this situation? I just wanna know this girl. U know, make a new friend.

Bottom line; i have not been truly attracted to anyone for years now.
(Ex, i blame you, for being so damn cute!)
XD